透明沟通的艺术

沟通并不是关于“自我表达”

抑或是“自我”

沟通是对整个关系场域更高的觉察

One level of the humility, is to know what I experience in life is just the reduced perspective of life. It’s not life itself.

谦卑的一个层面，在于知道我所经验的，只是生命实像的局部，而非生命本身。

And my spiritual path, is actually the expansion of life, in order to see feel and include more of life in the way how I live life.

我心灵的旅程，其实就是生命的扩展，去看、去感受、让更多的生命流入生活 。

Now, when I see my partner, when I see my working colleagues. So first of all, I see only a reduced version of them, see the version that my perception can receive. And secondly, that the people I know more, all the people might say “Oh I know that person, I know my intermate partner, I know my working colleagues that I see every day at work.”

当我看到我的伴侣、我的同事时，(我要意识到)首先，我看到的只是他们的删减版。我只看到了他们身上我能接受的面向；其次，当了解对方越多时，很多人可能会说“啊，我很了解那个人”、 “我太了解我的伴侣了”、 “我太了解那些每天都要打交道的同事了”。

What I am saying with these sentences that I’m already asleep, I already don’t see them. What I see is my images, is like the memory of the person in me that I reinforce every day.

当我说出这些话时，其实我已经沉沉睡去。我并未真正看到身边的人，我看到的只是脑海中的一个图像，只是我关于对方日益强化的记忆罢了。

Because in awakening practice, we actually less and less know people. Yes my mind know peoples, but my presence, my energetic ability to perceive people actually needs that I see you every day for the first time. I refresh my browser every day again and again, and so it actually keeps the relationships fresh.

其实在真正觉醒的实践中，我们对一个人的“已知”会越来越少。当然，我在思维上对他人是已知的，但是我当下的临在、以及我对他人能量感知的能力，需要我与你的每次相遇都如初见，需要我每天不停刷新我的“浏览器”， 这样才能保持关系的鲜活。

Because the habit of my brain wants to make you my habit. But do you want to be the habit of your wife, of your husband? Because when you become the habit of each other, we actually fall asleep. Not just literally in the bed, we fall asleep in our consciousness.

我们的大脑会习惯性地将对方变成自己的习惯。但是你希望变成你伴侣的习惯吗？当我们变成彼此的习惯时，其实我们处在沉睡的蒙昧中。这不是字面上生理的沉睡，而是我们意识的沉睡。

Because we stop exploring each other, we stop refreshing the browser and see each other freshly every day.

因为一旦我们停止对彼此的探索，我们便停止了刷新“浏览器”， 停止了每天用新鲜感来看待彼此。

If I establish in myself a kind of inner environment of presence, spaciousness and attunement, which means there is one aspect of listening where I receive you. It’s like receptive listening is creating spaciousness, that’s where presence is listening, the deepest listening is presence, is consciousness itself.

如果我为自己内在建造一个临在、宽敞、校准的空间，就意味着，我有了对你有了一个面向的倾听，这是“接收性的倾听”。 “接收性的倾听”其实就是创造出宽敞(的内在空间)，当下临在便是倾听，最深度的倾听就是当下临在、就是意识本身。

So in receiving you, listening deeply to you, I open myself as space, space of consciousness. In listening to you and attuning to you, it’s a more focused way of listening, it is like you listen to someone in a noisy restaurant. So you take somebody out for dinner, but it is very noisy in the restaurant, and you really want to hear what the person has to say, so you attune and you focus.

当我在接收你、深度地倾听你时，我把自己作为一个意识的空间敞开了。在另一个面向的倾听中，我会针对对方校准调频，进行一种“专注聚焦的倾听”。 就好像是在吵闹的餐厅中，聚精会神地倾听对方。比如你带某人去吃晚餐，餐厅非常嘈杂，但是因为你非常想要听清对方在说什么，你会聚精会神地把自己调到和对方同样的频道。

So there are two ways of listening, one is focus listening, is attunement, is a laser. And one is like an open vessel, an open heart, and I believe we need both, because both are mystical functions, one is a high level of attunement, and one is space receiving open heart, compassion, but also like a deep receiving of somebody.

总而言之，其实有两种方式的倾听。一种是专注的倾听、是调频，像镭射一样聚集的光束；另一种是接收的倾听，像是一个敞开的容器，是一颗敞开的心。我坚信两者都是我们需要的，他们是阴阳的两个面向。一种是高度地聚焦、校准、同频，另一种是接收的空间、敞开的内心、慈悲，对他人深刻地接收、理解。

When we watch conversations, we see often how people do not receive each other, which means we don’t hear each other.

当我们观察别人的谈话时，我们常常发现人们无法接收、理解对方，因为人们并未真正地倾听彼此。

So when I say I am disappointed about my husband, or about my wife, it’s just I am only saying I am confessing my unconsciousness with that person. So that I did not see or perceive as before, means that I did not look. It’s just something about me first of all that I have not be aware.

当我说我对我的伴侣感到失望时，我其实只是在承认我对对方毫无意识感知。我不再像曾经那样去看到、去接收(对方)，我根本没有看向(对方)。从一开始，我根本没有意识到，失望的根源其实在于自己。

So like an awareness practice in every moment also means that I will be asked to establish a certain environment of presence, availability, inner-connection, receptivity and attunement, in order to grow up, to what I call kind of leading edge of communication that while I speak, I can feel and see and perceive what you are here.

因此就像每时每刻的觉察练习一样，我需要建立一个当下临在、敞开、有连接的、接收且又聚焦、调频、校准的内在空间。这样我才能成长，达到沟通的最高层次。在我说话的同时，我还能够看见、接收到你当下的状态。

So it means actually communication is not just about self-expression and me. It’s actually about higher awareness of the whole relational field.

这意味着，其实是沟通并不是关于“自我表达”抑或是“自我”， 沟通是对整个关系场域更高的觉察。